A Naan and a Leg

Write-up by Gerry McDonnell

The older I get, the grumpier I grow to be. Previous folks, young children and John Motson have all played a significant position in my metamorphosis, but the wife’s driving is virtually undoubtedly the overriding issue.

I’m not criticising ladies drivers in basic. I’ve shared a journey with a amount of females more than the many years without any complaint. Though in the interest of fairness, there wasn’t a wonderful deal of time to voice any worries.

The spouse simply struggles to understand the simple principles of the road. She’s continually hunting at mirrors and playing with indicators, when she ought to be hitting the horn like it was Lily Allen.

Her attempts at parking are equally annoying. I’ve lost count of the number of occasions she’s drove previous a flawlessly good handicapped spot, only to park up some 50 yards additionally away. It’s pure selfishness.

Personally, I set her woeful driving down to a lack of self-assurance. I’ve informed her that a few beers would solve the problem, but some folks refuse to get good guidance.

Whilst these small flaws are bothersome it’s her refusal to travel at an acceptable pace that sends me into an apoplectic rage. The spouse is far more than happy to trundle along at 20mph, even when there’s no one else on the motorway. She does not appreciate the reality that velocity limits and site visitors lights are merely unhelpful ideas.

Wayne Rooney is absolutely a fan of putting his foot down he when went about 65 in an escort. Manchester United are winning games with no finding out of second gear they’ll roar past Wigan at 1/five.

It’s been noted that a ten 12 months previous has broken a leg soon after colliding with Steven Gerrard’s motor. The young lad can think about himself fortunate that Frank Lampard was not driving as he’d probably have eaten the leg. I’ll attempt to stay away from getting knocked above in the rush to back again Liverpool at 3/5 versus Tottenham.

Blackburn Rovers have one thing in frequent with Steven Gerrard they the two individual a flash Bentley. Mark Hughes would certainly struggle to offer his model: it looks the part, but you can’t get it to run in the summer. I’ll never ever grow tired of viewing four/6 for a Blackburn win above Birmingham.

Gilberto Silva’s luck has deserted him. The World Cup winner was initial stripped of the captaincy and then demoted to the bench. If I was Gilberto, I’d steer obvious of the tube station. I collapsed like a Brazilian goalkeeper when I noticed 1/five for an Arsenal win against Sunderland.

Alan Curbishley will be trying to keep 1 eye on the police when he travels to Villa Park. The West Ham manager offered Marlon Harewood for £4m, so he might properly be charged with robbery. It would be a crime to skip the even income for an Aston Villa win.

Michael Owen is on the verge of full fitness, a mere week right after undergoing surgical treatment. As far as I am conscious, only Jesus has ever produced a quicker comeback, but data are sketchy at finest. I’m praying for a Newcastle win more than Everton at eleven/10.

Reading could have been destroyed by Pompey previous week, but I make them my nap of the week to bounce back again from Derby. The Rams are about as useful as a second bedroom to Britney Spears: I’m taking the 4/five for the Royals.

Mariah Carey has claimed to be a distant relative of Ashley Cole but I can’t see any similarity. The singer has misplaced the support of thousands of a single-time fans, been rocked by accusations of diva-like demands and has had numerous failed relationships with males. I can certainly see the value in backing the draw involving Bolton and Chelsea at 13/5.

Gareth Southgate and Sven Goran Eriksson are not on the greatest of terms. The hostility can be traced back to Sven’s tenure as England supervisor, where he had the temerity to replace Southgate with more youthful, far better gamers. It really is often unpleasant to see a high profile pair fall out so publicly, unless of course they belong to Jennifer Ellison. I’ll have a nice few of quid on Manchester Metropolis at 8/eleven against a aim-shy Middlesbrough.

Leroy Lita has a lot to reply for. When the spouse examine of his cellular telephone exploits, she demanded that we adhere to fit. I initially stated that I would only take into account the suggestion ‘when hell freezes over’, but I felt the probability was as well high, so I altered it to ‘when Benjani scores a hat-trick’. Pompey have tucked me up a treat, they can make it up to me by leaving Fulham with a point at 9/four.

I have no problem with a couple expressing their really like via the medium of movie but if I desired to see an fired up whale, I’d rent ‘Free Willy’. Arsenal, Perusing, Blackburn, Manchester Town and Newcastle form an 11/1 weekend accer that will hopefully enhance my disgruntled demeanour.

About the Writer

Gerry McDonnell dabbles in football odds compilation, journalism and orphan rescue.