Driving Miss Dozy

Write-up by Gerry McDonnell

Stats are normally my trusted ally, but even shut friends can sometimes drop out. Research statements to show that men are about 50% much more probably to be concerned in a street accident than women, but that is most likely because they’ve all been run more than by dippy bints.

Only final weekend, the wife’s vertiginous nature led to a in particular negative smash. Betty was critically shaken up, but thankfully, a Scientologist was rapidly on the scene.

The incident would by no means have occurred if we lived in Saudi Arabia, as ladies are forbidden from driving by law. They need to actually respect their women to go to such lengths to retain them protected.

The Saudi ladies have a lot of other social positive aspects. When Manchester United played their controversial testimonial in Riyadh, the women had been all banned from the stadium presumably to protect them from the shock of viewing Rooney and Tevez. I can’t get my eyes off the seven/one for a Tottenham win more than a jetlagged United aspect.

While the Saudi girls lead a daily life of luxurious, the guys are treated amazingly shabbily. Islamic law makes it possible for the males to marry up to 4 wives: so you can recognize why a minority go apocalyptic. I’d think about destroying the West if I had to check out Eastenders 4 times a week.

It is not all doom and gloom for the males, as multiple weddings equate to many stag nights. It really is a small bit various more than there although: it requires the stripper 25 minutes to whip out her elbows. There won’t be a Stag party when Mansfield face Middlesbrough, Southgate’s males will knock them out at a fundamentally sound 4/9.

Whilst Saudi Arabian females reside a daily life of luxurious, Amy Winehouse can’t even drinking water her plants with no currently being harassed by the man. The singer has been accused of overdoing it with a hosepipe. I’ll be getting the craic with the 5/six for a Derby win about Preston.

The footballing planet has changed significantly since Kevin Keegan last flexed his managerial muscle. The game is now awash with American cowboys, and in a indicator of solidarity with our friendly-firing brothers, Joey Barton now walks like John Wayne. I will not be backing Arsenal at two/5 in opposition to Newcastle. The hell I will not.

Liverpool v Havant &amp Waterlooville is what the FA Cup is all about: it’s a bunch of nobodies obtaining spanked by a respectable staff. Bookies are as brief as one/100 about a Liverpool win, I’ll play on the Reds -two.five objectives at a a lot more punter pleasant one/two.

Wigan looked to have completed a canny piece of enterprise with the signing of Wilson Palacios. The Honduran is nicknamed ‘Harry Potter’, a moniker earned when his brother disappeared. eight/15 for a Chelsea win over Wigan will be vanishing soon.

Mark Hughes is certainly a variety-hearted soul. He went confront to confront with Gareth Southgate very last week, and he resisted the urge to laugh. I’ll be smiling like a trout fanatic around Leslie Ash when Aston Villa see off Blackburn at even cash in the only Premier League fixture of the weekend.

Frankly, I was really disturbed by the news that Leslie Ash pocketed £5m soon after contracting a bug whilst in hospital. It’s not like Lee Chapman requirements the funds, he already owns a mobile workout unit.

The controversial payout has led me to think about moving to the utopia that is Saudi Arabia. By natural means, this would lead to a conversion to Islam, which will conflict with my liberal beliefs. The wife would have to put on a veil although, so it’s swings and roundabouts. Aston Villa, Arsenal, Portsmouth, Southampton and Watford form a ten/1 weekend accer that will pay for the required quantity of tarpaulin.

About the Author

Gerry McDonnell dabbles in football odds compilation, journalism and orphan rescue.