Live Free or Pie Hard

Report by Gerry McDonnell

When the wife was pregnant with tiny Goliath, she asked if I’d nonetheless uncover her desirable when she put on weight. “A lot more weight,” I instinctively corrected.”

It is perfectly understandable if a lady’s bodyweight yo-yo’s right after this kind of a stressful function, but with the spouse, it merely yo’d. There is no excuse for a Premiership footballer to ‘tubby up’ in such an outlandish vogue, so I wish there’s no reality to the rumours emanating from Ewood Park.

It really is alleged that a number of senior pros grew to become hooked on pie and mash throughout the summer break. If the phrase on the road is right, the players were so fixated with this culinary abomination, they saved a substantial sum of Fray Bentos pies in the club canteen.

Mark Hughes was understandably livid when he discovered the top secret stash and immediately put a lock on the freezer.

Robbie Savage regarded as the manager’s act a blatant violation of his civil liberties and threatened to depart the club if he wasn’t granted instant accessibility to the forbidden pastries. Mark Hughes stood his floor though, and refused to release the pie-key.

The 6/four for Middlesbrough to open their marketing campaign with a win over Blackburn is as delicious a deal with as anything at all locked absent in Sparky’s freezer of shame.

I was very astonished when the news broke that Robert Earnshaw had joined Derby the minor Welshman obviously misunderstood when asked if he would like to join the Rams. Earnie can support Derby get a position off Pompey at nine/4.

Roy Keane was a fierce competitor on the pitch: he went by way of far more footballers than Gemma Atkinson. He’ll require the very same fighting spirit from his staff when they face a formidable Tottenham side I’m tucking in to the Spuds at 13/10.

Newcastle have gone down the multinational street in their lookup for new signings. Large Sam has signed a Brazilian, a Spaniard, a Cameroonian, a Czech, an Aussie, an Englishman and a Scouser. It wouldn’t surprise me if he made a move for the promising Russian worldwide, Ivan Terbungoutofit. The Premier League laptop or computer has mischievously sent Newcastle to Bolton for their opening fixture Massive Sam has it in the bag at 2/one.

I have a whole lot of faith in Andy ‘Magic’ Johnson, even though he’s yet to grasp the ‘staying on his feet’ trick. I’ll be generating the eight/eleven for an Everton win more than Wigan vanish.

If given the choice to play for Chelsea at Stamford Bridge or symbolize a George Bush eleven in Iran, I’d possibly plump for the latter as the threat of injuries diminishes considerably. Jose should be cursed I’m taking Birmingham at 11/two to snatch a shock draw.

I’m locating it difficult to choose a winner in the West Ham v Manchester City match. I asked the spouse for her view, but she’s also sitting on the fence. I’m now praying for the draw at 9/4, as I need money for a new fence.

Aston Villa supporters could not be happier with the progress manufactured by Randy Lerner and Martin O’Neill. The giant might even now be sleeping, but he’s becoming poked with a pointy stick. Villa are overpriced at 3/one to kick the time off with a win about Liverpool.

Fulham followers must be devastated. Mohammed Al Fayed gave his manager the green mild to signal established internationals and Sanchez tucked him up on a technicality. The Cottagers have by no means won absent at Arsenal the Gooners are the weekend banker at four/11.

I was disturbed to examine that Wayne Rooney has outrageously had his chest waxed. There’s absolutely nothing incorrect with connecting with your feminine facet, but only when you are trying to uncover shelter for the little beard-hunter. There’s absolutely nothing camp about the 1/4 for a Manchester United win more than Looking at.

I just hope Ryan Giggs doesn’t stick to Rooney’s lead, as the repercussions of dwindling wax reserves could prove catastrophic for little corporations. A minor accer on Tottenham, Aston Villa, Arsenal and Manchester United at 13/1 will provide a lifeline to those most under risk.

About the Author

Gerry McDonnell dabbles in football odds compilation, journalism and orphan rescue.